It is a very strange place to be when I find myself equally legally and likely to be able to chose to be with men my age, but also as much older or younger as 20 years or so. However, being with a man who is 20 years my senior makes me feel like I am dating my father, and dating men 20 years my junior makes me feel like I am dating my son. Equally awkward, at best.
Generally I am finding that socially and psychologically I actually prefer men my age. That is, I feel that I find commonality in regards to life experiences, mental attitude, and perspective. We have things in common such as aging parents, career issues, and what is important in life. I am sexually attracted to men my age, too. However, I am finding that actually wanting to have sex with men my age is a bit trying. The good thing is that they have had enough time and experience to know what they are doing and what they like. The bad part is that they have gotten very comfortable with what they are familiar with and can be close-minded and therefore limited.
There is still nothing more sexually appealing to me than the hot, sexy, virile body of a young male, naturally buff and sleek and built for speed. They are the fillet mignon in the feast of sexuality. However, they can be quite silly and I don't feel comfortable having too much conversation with them, as their priorities and perspectives are quite different than mine, and I find the conversations to be sophomoric and numbing. If they can just keep their zippers open and their mouths shut...
When it comes down to attitudes towards sex however, this is what I have run across (and on several occasions, enough for me to have developed a sense of predictability about it):
Men my age generally suck when it comes to sex. They are close minded and inflexible. They will "say" that they want a woman to tell them what she wants, and they "say" that they want to please a woman sexually, but obviously, this is far from the truth. I have found that if I try to tell a man my age what I prefer or want, and if what I want is outside the range of their already established repertoire, they balk. The typical responses I hear include statements such as:
"That is weird, there is something wrong with you!"
"No, I don't do that. I am not into that."
"I don't like being told what to do. I feel like I am following a script!"
Younger men on the other hand are the BOMB! They are so very horny, and so very excited, that they are just grateful beyond belief to be having sex at all. They almost always simply say, "OK!"
Younger men ARE the bomb! They are very open minded, willing to do just about anything, and truly DO want to please. They do not give me a ration of reasons why they couldn't or shouldn't or won't do anything. THEY JUST DO IT.
*sigh* If I could just get over that icky feeling like I am screwing someone who could be my child, I would be all set.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Monday, June 25, 2012
The Difference Between Musicians and Dancers
By a bizarre quirk of events I ended up at a small Persian restaurant last Friday night. I got to dance for the band and do a performance, which was wonderful. After all, that is what most belly dancers who perform are trained to do: dance with a live band. There really is nothing short of heaven for those of us who truly love it. I totally understand therefore the competition between dancers to get these precious moments to perform with a live band in public.
I was not paid for my impromptu performance, nor for my willingness to be photographed for the restaurants' ad. I did it for the opportunity to perform and for the free advertisement it gave me. That night, I gave away a handful of business cards, and was solicited for a birthday party the following week. So, I may get private gigs from my efforts as well, which will always be far more lucrative than the amount of cash the restaurant would have been willing to pay me, had they been willing to. So for me, it was a worthwhile endeavor.
For a while it seems that although performance opportunities for both musicians and dancers in general was tough, there still seemed to be more opportunities for musicians than dancers. After all, dancers can always perform to canned music, and we sometimes create our own events such as haflis and fundraisers, for our own opportunities to perform, but these are not paid opportunities. Speaking of paid opportunities, there have always been more for bands than dancers because some places and events will have music without necessarily having a dancer. However, after my conversation with the musicians last Friday night, my suspicion that it was now equally difficult for musicians as well was substantiated by the remarks made by the guys in the band.
I host student showcases usually a couple of times a year for myself, my students and my classes to perform and demonstrate our learning and skills. After hearing the guys in the band lament about how there are no longer enough places or opportunities for them to perform anymore, and how much this saddened and frustrated them, I offered them the opportunity to come and perform for me and my girls at my next upcoming showcase. Of course, I cannot afford to pay them, but, it was an opportunity for them to perform, so I offered.
They looked at me with the eyes of death.
This is the difference between musicians and dancers: dancers are expected to be willing to dance for little or nothing because there are so many more of us than there are opportunities for us, and that we are very eager and grateful for any opportunity to dance and the benefits of the free advertising it grants us. Musicians, on the other hand, will be willing to suffer and languish without the performance opportunity because they will refuse to perform without reasonable pay for any gig.
I was not paid for my impromptu performance, nor for my willingness to be photographed for the restaurants' ad. I did it for the opportunity to perform and for the free advertisement it gave me. That night, I gave away a handful of business cards, and was solicited for a birthday party the following week. So, I may get private gigs from my efforts as well, which will always be far more lucrative than the amount of cash the restaurant would have been willing to pay me, had they been willing to. So for me, it was a worthwhile endeavor.
For a while it seems that although performance opportunities for both musicians and dancers in general was tough, there still seemed to be more opportunities for musicians than dancers. After all, dancers can always perform to canned music, and we sometimes create our own events such as haflis and fundraisers, for our own opportunities to perform, but these are not paid opportunities. Speaking of paid opportunities, there have always been more for bands than dancers because some places and events will have music without necessarily having a dancer. However, after my conversation with the musicians last Friday night, my suspicion that it was now equally difficult for musicians as well was substantiated by the remarks made by the guys in the band.
I host student showcases usually a couple of times a year for myself, my students and my classes to perform and demonstrate our learning and skills. After hearing the guys in the band lament about how there are no longer enough places or opportunities for them to perform anymore, and how much this saddened and frustrated them, I offered them the opportunity to come and perform for me and my girls at my next upcoming showcase. Of course, I cannot afford to pay them, but, it was an opportunity for them to perform, so I offered.
They looked at me with the eyes of death.
This is the difference between musicians and dancers: dancers are expected to be willing to dance for little or nothing because there are so many more of us than there are opportunities for us, and that we are very eager and grateful for any opportunity to dance and the benefits of the free advertising it grants us. Musicians, on the other hand, will be willing to suffer and languish without the performance opportunity because they will refuse to perform without reasonable pay for any gig.
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