In my 40s:
I still have dreams, I just don't believe in them anymore.
I can still "Get Down", I just can't get back up.
And I can still "Go Down", I just can't decide if that's a pubic hair or a chin whisker in my mouth when I am done.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Monday, August 6, 2012
I AM A REAL BITCH
Or at least, I definitely come off as a real bitch. Because this is the second time I have actually met a man who let me know that he enjoys watching his girlfriends have sex with a dog. And I don't mean a dog as in, "He is such an ugly guy, he is a dog". I mean a real bona fide FIDO Canis familiaris that you get from a shelter! Augh! I love animals, which is probably why I DON'T want to have sex with them! OMG! Bestiality. It is probably illegal for a good reason? Turns out several good reasons. Besides health concerns, the animal cannot "consent", and therefore it is considered "animal cruelty".
I actually got pictures sent to my inbox. I now have pictures of women actually having sex with dogs. I am a little nervous. Is having pictures of bestiality illegal, too? I don't know. I. Just. Don't. Know.
My first question to him was (rhetorically, of course): How do you get the dog to wear a condom? Well obviously you CAN'T!!!! So my next question is: How do you avoid getting a disease from having sex with an animal??? Well, you CAN'T. This guy told me you can't get a sexually transmitted disease from having sex with a dog, but, the truth is you can get lots of icky worms, bacteria, and viruses. But I like being backed up with the facts so I immediately text my friend who works at the CDC. Her husband of course gets the text. Nice. But eventually he realizes it is me (of course) and she gets my text and sends me a link and some facts.
Here is an interesting article I found online at http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/bestiality about it:
Alice,
I have read about men and women having sex with animals, e.g., dogs (Women On Top, by Nancy Friday, Simon & Schuster, 1991). Apart from it being against the law (I think), are there medical reasons why this is not a good idea? For example, are there STDs that can be passed from animals to humans? Are there immunological consequences from depositing sperm into the vagina of another species? Is this kind of sex common?
— Sheep herder
I swear I am an idiot magnet. But, at least I can say that my life is interesting and I am definitely NOT bored!
I actually got pictures sent to my inbox. I now have pictures of women actually having sex with dogs. I am a little nervous. Is having pictures of bestiality illegal, too? I don't know. I. Just. Don't. Know.
My first question to him was (rhetorically, of course): How do you get the dog to wear a condom? Well obviously you CAN'T!!!! So my next question is: How do you avoid getting a disease from having sex with an animal??? Well, you CAN'T. This guy told me you can't get a sexually transmitted disease from having sex with a dog, but, the truth is you can get lots of icky worms, bacteria, and viruses. But I like being backed up with the facts so I immediately text my friend who works at the CDC. Her husband of course gets the text. Nice. But eventually he realizes it is me (of course) and she gets my text and sends me a link and some facts.
Here is an interesting article I found online at http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/bestiality about it:
Alice,
I have read about men and women having sex with animals, e.g., dogs (Women On Top, by Nancy Friday, Simon & Schuster, 1991). Apart from it being against the law (I think), are there medical reasons why this is not a good idea? For example, are there STDs that can be passed from animals to humans? Are there immunological consequences from depositing sperm into the vagina of another species? Is this kind of sex common?
— Sheep herder
Dear Sheep herder,
Humans having sex with animals, otherwise called bestiality or zoophilia, is believed to be fairly uncommon, but because of the stigmatization associated with this behavior, research and data is limited. Zoophilia is sometimes distinguished from bestiality as incorporating a relationship or emotional attachment with an animal, in addition to sexual contact.
Although data is scarce, we do know that having sex with animals may transmit infections. Contact with animals can put the person at risk for worms, fleas, ticks, salmonella, campylobacteriosis, scabies, and possibly viruses. For more information, see the related Q&As below.
Human relationships with animals have been a topic of interest for people for hundreds of years. Tales of human-animal sexual contact can be found throughout ancient folklore and mythology. A good example is the story of Zeus, who in the form of a swan, had sexual intercourse with Leda, the queen of Sparta. William Butler Yeats used this story as background for a famous poem. Greek and
Roman mythology have portrayed females having sexual relationships with bears, apes, bulls, goats, horses, wolves, snakes, and crocodiles. Humans have enjoyed rich sexual fantasies throughout the ages, sometimes including the fantastic and the unreal. That said, consider this quote from poet Octavio Paz in his essay At Table and In Bed, on the nature of sexuality, "Eroticism is a representation, a ceremony of transfiguration: men and women make love like lions, eagles, doves, or praying mantises; neither lions nor praying mantises make love like human beings. We humans see ourselves in animals; animals do not see themselves in humans."
The research that does exist suggests that most people who have sex with animals are men, but there have been some documented cases of women caressing and stimulating animals in an attempt to insert the penis of a dog or horse into their vagina. In either case, the frequency of human-animal sexual contact is believed to be low, and is believed to have decreased along with the decline in rural farm areas in the U.S.
Alfred Kinsey's comprehensive (though dated) studies of sexuality are some of the only data we have on bestiality. After conducting 6000 exhaustive interviews with participants on their sexual histories, Kinsey published his findings in 1953, which included this data on zoophilia:
Historically, taboos against human-animal contact have been quite severe. In 1953, 49 U.S. states and territories regarded bestiality as a felony or its equivalent. Many such laws remain to this day, although enforcement varies. In addition to the legal and health concerns, sexual contact with animals is usually considered a form of animal cruelty because it can seriously injure the animal, and the animal does not have the capacity to "give consent." While curiosity about sexual contact with animals may be normal, and people may develop emotional bonds with with pets or other animals, given these risks and concerns, it's probably best for zoophilia to remain within the realms of fantasy rather than practice.
Humans having sex with animals, otherwise called bestiality or zoophilia, is believed to be fairly uncommon, but because of the stigmatization associated with this behavior, research and data is limited. Zoophilia is sometimes distinguished from bestiality as incorporating a relationship or emotional attachment with an animal, in addition to sexual contact.
Although data is scarce, we do know that having sex with animals may transmit infections. Contact with animals can put the person at risk for worms, fleas, ticks, salmonella, campylobacteriosis, scabies, and possibly viruses. For more information, see the related Q&As below.
Human relationships with animals have been a topic of interest for people for hundreds of years. Tales of human-animal sexual contact can be found throughout ancient folklore and mythology. A good example is the story of Zeus, who in the form of a swan, had sexual intercourse with Leda, the queen of Sparta. William Butler Yeats used this story as background for a famous poem. Greek and
Roman mythology have portrayed females having sexual relationships with bears, apes, bulls, goats, horses, wolves, snakes, and crocodiles. Humans have enjoyed rich sexual fantasies throughout the ages, sometimes including the fantastic and the unreal. That said, consider this quote from poet Octavio Paz in his essay At Table and In Bed, on the nature of sexuality, "Eroticism is a representation, a ceremony of transfiguration: men and women make love like lions, eagles, doves, or praying mantises; neither lions nor praying mantises make love like human beings. We humans see ourselves in animals; animals do not see themselves in humans."
The research that does exist suggests that most people who have sex with animals are men, but there have been some documented cases of women caressing and stimulating animals in an attempt to insert the penis of a dog or horse into their vagina. In either case, the frequency of human-animal sexual contact is believed to be low, and is believed to have decreased along with the decline in rural farm areas in the U.S.
Alfred Kinsey's comprehensive (though dated) studies of sexuality are some of the only data we have on bestiality. After conducting 6000 exhaustive interviews with participants on their sexual histories, Kinsey published his findings in 1953, which included this data on zoophilia:
- Eight percent of men and four percent of women reported having has a sexual experience with animals at some point in their lives
- For women, the animals involved were most commonly dogs and cats, and the sexual activities most often reported were general body contacts with the animals, and cunnilingus performed by animals
- Female intercourse with an animal was rarely reported
- Eight percent of men brought themselves to orgasm with an animal
Historically, taboos against human-animal contact have been quite severe. In 1953, 49 U.S. states and territories regarded bestiality as a felony or its equivalent. Many such laws remain to this day, although enforcement varies. In addition to the legal and health concerns, sexual contact with animals is usually considered a form of animal cruelty because it can seriously injure the animal, and the animal does not have the capacity to "give consent." While curiosity about sexual contact with animals may be normal, and people may develop emotional bonds with with pets or other animals, given these risks and concerns, it's probably best for zoophilia to remain within the realms of fantasy rather than practice.
I swear I am an idiot magnet. But, at least I can say that my life is interesting and I am definitely NOT bored!
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
The Difference Between Men My Age and Younger Men
It is a very strange place to be when I find myself equally legally and likely to be able to chose to be with men my age, but also as much older or younger as 20 years or so. However, being with a man who is 20 years my senior makes me feel like I am dating my father, and dating men 20 years my junior makes me feel like I am dating my son. Equally awkward, at best.
Generally I am finding that socially and psychologically I actually prefer men my age. That is, I feel that I find commonality in regards to life experiences, mental attitude, and perspective. We have things in common such as aging parents, career issues, and what is important in life. I am sexually attracted to men my age, too. However, I am finding that actually wanting to have sex with men my age is a bit trying. The good thing is that they have had enough time and experience to know what they are doing and what they like. The bad part is that they have gotten very comfortable with what they are familiar with and can be close-minded and therefore limited.
There is still nothing more sexually appealing to me than the hot, sexy, virile body of a young male, naturally buff and sleek and built for speed. They are the fillet mignon in the feast of sexuality. However, they can be quite silly and I don't feel comfortable having too much conversation with them, as their priorities and perspectives are quite different than mine, and I find the conversations to be sophomoric and numbing. If they can just keep their zippers open and their mouths shut...
When it comes down to attitudes towards sex however, this is what I have run across (and on several occasions, enough for me to have developed a sense of predictability about it):
Men my age generally suck when it comes to sex. They are close minded and inflexible. They will "say" that they want a woman to tell them what she wants, and they "say" that they want to please a woman sexually, but obviously, this is far from the truth. I have found that if I try to tell a man my age what I prefer or want, and if what I want is outside the range of their already established repertoire, they balk. The typical responses I hear include statements such as:
"That is weird, there is something wrong with you!"
"No, I don't do that. I am not into that."
"I don't like being told what to do. I feel like I am following a script!"
Younger men on the other hand are the BOMB! They are so very horny, and so very excited, that they are just grateful beyond belief to be having sex at all. They almost always simply say, "OK!"
Younger men ARE the bomb! They are very open minded, willing to do just about anything, and truly DO want to please. They do not give me a ration of reasons why they couldn't or shouldn't or won't do anything. THEY JUST DO IT.
*sigh* If I could just get over that icky feeling like I am screwing someone who could be my child, I would be all set.
Generally I am finding that socially and psychologically I actually prefer men my age. That is, I feel that I find commonality in regards to life experiences, mental attitude, and perspective. We have things in common such as aging parents, career issues, and what is important in life. I am sexually attracted to men my age, too. However, I am finding that actually wanting to have sex with men my age is a bit trying. The good thing is that they have had enough time and experience to know what they are doing and what they like. The bad part is that they have gotten very comfortable with what they are familiar with and can be close-minded and therefore limited.
There is still nothing more sexually appealing to me than the hot, sexy, virile body of a young male, naturally buff and sleek and built for speed. They are the fillet mignon in the feast of sexuality. However, they can be quite silly and I don't feel comfortable having too much conversation with them, as their priorities and perspectives are quite different than mine, and I find the conversations to be sophomoric and numbing. If they can just keep their zippers open and their mouths shut...
When it comes down to attitudes towards sex however, this is what I have run across (and on several occasions, enough for me to have developed a sense of predictability about it):
Men my age generally suck when it comes to sex. They are close minded and inflexible. They will "say" that they want a woman to tell them what she wants, and they "say" that they want to please a woman sexually, but obviously, this is far from the truth. I have found that if I try to tell a man my age what I prefer or want, and if what I want is outside the range of their already established repertoire, they balk. The typical responses I hear include statements such as:
"That is weird, there is something wrong with you!"
"No, I don't do that. I am not into that."
"I don't like being told what to do. I feel like I am following a script!"
Younger men on the other hand are the BOMB! They are so very horny, and so very excited, that they are just grateful beyond belief to be having sex at all. They almost always simply say, "OK!"
Younger men ARE the bomb! They are very open minded, willing to do just about anything, and truly DO want to please. They do not give me a ration of reasons why they couldn't or shouldn't or won't do anything. THEY JUST DO IT.
*sigh* If I could just get over that icky feeling like I am screwing someone who could be my child, I would be all set.
Monday, June 25, 2012
The Difference Between Musicians and Dancers
By a bizarre quirk of events I ended up at a small Persian restaurant last Friday night. I got to dance for the band and do a performance, which was wonderful. After all, that is what most belly dancers who perform are trained to do: dance with a live band. There really is nothing short of heaven for those of us who truly love it. I totally understand therefore the competition between dancers to get these precious moments to perform with a live band in public.
I was not paid for my impromptu performance, nor for my willingness to be photographed for the restaurants' ad. I did it for the opportunity to perform and for the free advertisement it gave me. That night, I gave away a handful of business cards, and was solicited for a birthday party the following week. So, I may get private gigs from my efforts as well, which will always be far more lucrative than the amount of cash the restaurant would have been willing to pay me, had they been willing to. So for me, it was a worthwhile endeavor.
For a while it seems that although performance opportunities for both musicians and dancers in general was tough, there still seemed to be more opportunities for musicians than dancers. After all, dancers can always perform to canned music, and we sometimes create our own events such as haflis and fundraisers, for our own opportunities to perform, but these are not paid opportunities. Speaking of paid opportunities, there have always been more for bands than dancers because some places and events will have music without necessarily having a dancer. However, after my conversation with the musicians last Friday night, my suspicion that it was now equally difficult for musicians as well was substantiated by the remarks made by the guys in the band.
I host student showcases usually a couple of times a year for myself, my students and my classes to perform and demonstrate our learning and skills. After hearing the guys in the band lament about how there are no longer enough places or opportunities for them to perform anymore, and how much this saddened and frustrated them, I offered them the opportunity to come and perform for me and my girls at my next upcoming showcase. Of course, I cannot afford to pay them, but, it was an opportunity for them to perform, so I offered.
They looked at me with the eyes of death.
This is the difference between musicians and dancers: dancers are expected to be willing to dance for little or nothing because there are so many more of us than there are opportunities for us, and that we are very eager and grateful for any opportunity to dance and the benefits of the free advertising it grants us. Musicians, on the other hand, will be willing to suffer and languish without the performance opportunity because they will refuse to perform without reasonable pay for any gig.
I was not paid for my impromptu performance, nor for my willingness to be photographed for the restaurants' ad. I did it for the opportunity to perform and for the free advertisement it gave me. That night, I gave away a handful of business cards, and was solicited for a birthday party the following week. So, I may get private gigs from my efforts as well, which will always be far more lucrative than the amount of cash the restaurant would have been willing to pay me, had they been willing to. So for me, it was a worthwhile endeavor.
For a while it seems that although performance opportunities for both musicians and dancers in general was tough, there still seemed to be more opportunities for musicians than dancers. After all, dancers can always perform to canned music, and we sometimes create our own events such as haflis and fundraisers, for our own opportunities to perform, but these are not paid opportunities. Speaking of paid opportunities, there have always been more for bands than dancers because some places and events will have music without necessarily having a dancer. However, after my conversation with the musicians last Friday night, my suspicion that it was now equally difficult for musicians as well was substantiated by the remarks made by the guys in the band.
I host student showcases usually a couple of times a year for myself, my students and my classes to perform and demonstrate our learning and skills. After hearing the guys in the band lament about how there are no longer enough places or opportunities for them to perform anymore, and how much this saddened and frustrated them, I offered them the opportunity to come and perform for me and my girls at my next upcoming showcase. Of course, I cannot afford to pay them, but, it was an opportunity for them to perform, so I offered.
They looked at me with the eyes of death.
This is the difference between musicians and dancers: dancers are expected to be willing to dance for little or nothing because there are so many more of us than there are opportunities for us, and that we are very eager and grateful for any opportunity to dance and the benefits of the free advertising it grants us. Musicians, on the other hand, will be willing to suffer and languish without the performance opportunity because they will refuse to perform without reasonable pay for any gig.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Am I The Only Person Who Paid Attention In Sex Ed?
There are some things I simply can't wrap my head around. One of them is the phenomena where men will willingly wear a condom for sexual intercourse, but not for fellatio. For some bizarre reason, people seem to be under the false assumption that sexually transmittable diseases are either NOT transmittable via oral sex, or else, the chances are so slim, that they don't merit the use of a condom or a dental dam (if you know what one is!).
Almost all the known sexually transmitted diseases are also transferable via oral sex. Not all show symptoms and some such as gonorreah are particularly difficult to treat. Some like chlamydia are very common. Women are more suseptible than men. However, men are particularly suseptable to nongonococcal urethritis (NGU). Systemic diseases such as syphillis are equally contageous ia intercourse or orally, regardless of how orginally contracted.
That being the case, if we are using condoms for safe sex practices, why wouldn't we use them for oral sex as well? If you would use a condom with a prostitute for oral sex, why wouldn't you extend that same practice, in the name of safety, to a playmate, lover, or friend?
Thank God they make flavored condoms!
Almost all the known sexually transmitted diseases are also transferable via oral sex. Not all show symptoms and some such as gonorreah are particularly difficult to treat. Some like chlamydia are very common. Women are more suseptible than men. However, men are particularly suseptable to nongonococcal urethritis (NGU). Systemic diseases such as syphillis are equally contageous ia intercourse or orally, regardless of how orginally contracted.
That being the case, if we are using condoms for safe sex practices, why wouldn't we use them for oral sex as well? If you would use a condom with a prostitute for oral sex, why wouldn't you extend that same practice, in the name of safety, to a playmate, lover, or friend?
Thank God they make flavored condoms!
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Foot Fetish Friend
A few weeks ago I went to lunch with a friend to a local restaurant. As usual, I was pretty casually dressed. Being a dance instructor, I am almost always in comfy dance clothes: leggings, warm-ups, sneakers, no make-up, hair up, and on the grunge side. I don't mind. I am not out for anything but lunch with a friend. Or so I think...
Our waiter was typical: I hadn't noticed anything unusual except that he happened to be a "he" and he was an attractive guy about my age. I guess I must have flirted a little, because I think that when he asked me if he could wrap up my leftovers, I recall saying something like, "Sure, and you can wrap it up with love," or something silly like that. Anyhow, I thought it was meaningless until I got home and saw that he had written his name and phone number on the cover of my take out box! Oh my!
I was flattered, but nervous. I am actually a bit shy and self conscious. So, I gathered up my guts and figured I HAD to contact him! It was cute and sweet, I thought, to be so courageous and take the chance, and he had liked me enough in spite of all my grunge, to give me his name and number, after all. The least I could do was call. But I was shy and nervous, so I texted the number. I got no response. So, maybe he doesn't text? I tried to call, but I didn't leave a message. It was a prerecorded message. Maybe the number was wrong? I threw the box away. It was in the hands of fate now. I tried. Maybe he would see my number and call me back. It didn't happen. I let it go.
A couple of weeks after that I ended up going back to the same restaurant with a different friend. The same waiter guy was there. He wasn't our waiter, but he was there. I told my friend about what had happened with the number. She said, "Well, now you have to give him YOUR number!" I had two scotches, found a pen and paper, and by the end of the night, I made sure he had it. I was nervous and giggly. I figured, what the heck, at least I have to try! Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?
The very next night I get a text message from him. OMG I am pleasantly surprised! For two hours we text. This is how the conversation went:
The first few questions are normal. Are you single? Where are you from? How old are you? Do you have any kids? Etc. Etc. Then the first red flag: He asks me, "Do you like foot massages?" and I am like, OMG! Is this a sexual reference ALREADY? Or is he just trying to feel me out? Or appeal to my feminine persuasions? I DON'T KNOW! So, I have to think of a crafty response. Something that is appropriate but neither sexually leading nor dismissive. I think of the perfect response. I say something like, "It depends on the who, the what, the where, the when, and the why". I am so sick of sexually inappropriate solicitations from men, but I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, just in case (this is where I always go wrong, BTW).
He responds with "Good answer". I think "FHEW"! to myself. We go back to asking each other appropriate normal preliminary questions. After a few normal questions, he does it again. He says to me, "I'm bored. Let's hook up now." I laugh "hahaha" and try to steer the conversation back to normal. It doesn't work. I ask him questions about his life. He tells me I am being too personal. He asks me, "Are you a prude, or do you like to fool around?" and I am thinking, like, what the fuck does THAT mean? And why haven't I even been offered a drink before being subjected to this level of conversation? Where is my fucking DATE?
Then I figure, fuck it, if he is all about the "hooking up" and asking inappropriate questions, then I will just be frank too. So I ask him, so what's up with the foot massage? Is that a fetish? He says yes. I ask him exactly what does he want to do. He says, " Suck on your toes, foot job (I can only imagine) and cum on your soles." I think "EWWWW" and I hope this is happening somewhere near a basin of warm sudsy water so that I can wash my feet and not have to walk around with sticky soles! UGH!!!
Needless to say, we haven't spoke again since. He probably thinks I am a prude, which is ironic because frankly, his goofy foot fetish is NOTHING compared to what I am into and sexually I know for a fact that I could scare the living shit out of him in 10 seconds flat with my freak flag if I wanted to. But, I don't want to. It is not worth it to me, because he is clearly an asshole and doesn't deserve to know anything interesting about me. He doesn't even want to know anything about me, and he never will. I know more about him than he will even know about me.
My question is this: Do I dare to go back to this restaurant? Will I get spit in my food for not letting him cum on my feet? Should I NOT order the fillet of sole?
It's kinda too bad really. If he had just been a little more charming, I would probably have entertained his fetish. After all, I do have the perfect feet. They are ugly, banged up dancers feet, but they are strong and flexible, too!
The thing is that it's not that I am opposed, or would always reject the idea, of having a purely sexual relationship, whether short term, long term, or one night. It is more along the lines of the fact that I really want and need to feel safe, that I like and will continue to like the person I am with, before and after, and that the person is not an asshole. I want some time and effort getting to know the person, and to know that I am viewed as a person, and not simply as some human blow up doll or fleshy substitution. If the man is charming and makes the effort, I will maybe (and I have in the past) be willing to at least to consider it. It is more the lack of charm and effort. Without it, I just feel plain flat and uninterested and totally turned off. I am not sure if I am making any sense...
Our waiter was typical: I hadn't noticed anything unusual except that he happened to be a "he" and he was an attractive guy about my age. I guess I must have flirted a little, because I think that when he asked me if he could wrap up my leftovers, I recall saying something like, "Sure, and you can wrap it up with love," or something silly like that. Anyhow, I thought it was meaningless until I got home and saw that he had written his name and phone number on the cover of my take out box! Oh my!
I was flattered, but nervous. I am actually a bit shy and self conscious. So, I gathered up my guts and figured I HAD to contact him! It was cute and sweet, I thought, to be so courageous and take the chance, and he had liked me enough in spite of all my grunge, to give me his name and number, after all. The least I could do was call. But I was shy and nervous, so I texted the number. I got no response. So, maybe he doesn't text? I tried to call, but I didn't leave a message. It was a prerecorded message. Maybe the number was wrong? I threw the box away. It was in the hands of fate now. I tried. Maybe he would see my number and call me back. It didn't happen. I let it go.
A couple of weeks after that I ended up going back to the same restaurant with a different friend. The same waiter guy was there. He wasn't our waiter, but he was there. I told my friend about what had happened with the number. She said, "Well, now you have to give him YOUR number!" I had two scotches, found a pen and paper, and by the end of the night, I made sure he had it. I was nervous and giggly. I figured, what the heck, at least I have to try! Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?
The very next night I get a text message from him. OMG I am pleasantly surprised! For two hours we text. This is how the conversation went:
The first few questions are normal. Are you single? Where are you from? How old are you? Do you have any kids? Etc. Etc. Then the first red flag: He asks me, "Do you like foot massages?" and I am like, OMG! Is this a sexual reference ALREADY? Or is he just trying to feel me out? Or appeal to my feminine persuasions? I DON'T KNOW! So, I have to think of a crafty response. Something that is appropriate but neither sexually leading nor dismissive. I think of the perfect response. I say something like, "It depends on the who, the what, the where, the when, and the why". I am so sick of sexually inappropriate solicitations from men, but I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, just in case (this is where I always go wrong, BTW).
He responds with "Good answer". I think "FHEW"! to myself. We go back to asking each other appropriate normal preliminary questions. After a few normal questions, he does it again. He says to me, "I'm bored. Let's hook up now." I laugh "hahaha" and try to steer the conversation back to normal. It doesn't work. I ask him questions about his life. He tells me I am being too personal. He asks me, "Are you a prude, or do you like to fool around?" and I am thinking, like, what the fuck does THAT mean? And why haven't I even been offered a drink before being subjected to this level of conversation? Where is my fucking DATE?
Then I figure, fuck it, if he is all about the "hooking up" and asking inappropriate questions, then I will just be frank too. So I ask him, so what's up with the foot massage? Is that a fetish? He says yes. I ask him exactly what does he want to do. He says, " Suck on your toes, foot job (I can only imagine) and cum on your soles." I think "EWWWW" and I hope this is happening somewhere near a basin of warm sudsy water so that I can wash my feet and not have to walk around with sticky soles! UGH!!!
Needless to say, we haven't spoke again since. He probably thinks I am a prude, which is ironic because frankly, his goofy foot fetish is NOTHING compared to what I am into and sexually I know for a fact that I could scare the living shit out of him in 10 seconds flat with my freak flag if I wanted to. But, I don't want to. It is not worth it to me, because he is clearly an asshole and doesn't deserve to know anything interesting about me. He doesn't even want to know anything about me, and he never will. I know more about him than he will even know about me.
My question is this: Do I dare to go back to this restaurant? Will I get spit in my food for not letting him cum on my feet? Should I NOT order the fillet of sole?
It's kinda too bad really. If he had just been a little more charming, I would probably have entertained his fetish. After all, I do have the perfect feet. They are ugly, banged up dancers feet, but they are strong and flexible, too!
The thing is that it's not that I am opposed, or would always reject the idea, of having a purely sexual relationship, whether short term, long term, or one night. It is more along the lines of the fact that I really want and need to feel safe, that I like and will continue to like the person I am with, before and after, and that the person is not an asshole. I want some time and effort getting to know the person, and to know that I am viewed as a person, and not simply as some human blow up doll or fleshy substitution. If the man is charming and makes the effort, I will maybe (and I have in the past) be willing to at least to consider it. It is more the lack of charm and effort. Without it, I just feel plain flat and uninterested and totally turned off. I am not sure if I am making any sense...
Letting Go Without The Claw Marks
The truth is that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and envy the sincerest proof of success. Humans are also philosophically myopic. That is, things seem to look better from a distance. No wonder then that intimacy, the act of closeness, makes us wary and afraid. Who wants to see all the imperfections, the flaws, the weaknesses and inconsistencies that plague and marr our human nature and form?
Some of the most difficult students have been the ones who simply do not know when to leave me as their teacher. There are so many ways to say goodbye. For example, they could say something like "Hey, it was great, but I am ready to move on. Thanks so much and see you around!", or they could just simply disappear. I actually am OK with them just disappearing. I am not stupid and I have many friends in the dance community. I know where students go when they leave me, and I am OK with that.
What is really upsetting is when they can't let go without leaving the claw marks. Invariably, there are always people who just don't know how to say goodbye gracefully. Perhaps they feel awkward saying goodbye at all, because they feel it might be interpreted on my behalf as a rejection and upset me, or as a flaw on their behalf, that they have grown bored or tired of me. The fact of the matter is that I expect them to leave me. It is their "job" as students to take what they want, and to go on to do more, other, and better, with other people and in other places. I am sad, but more so, I am pleased for them, and happy, and proud to have had any affiliation or affect on them as dancers.
Inevitably, those students are the few who hurt me the most because in their effort to leave and move on, seem to be inconsolably resigned to find a way to vilanize me as an excuse to get away. Somehow, they have to pick a fight or conjure an imagined slight to justify their bad behaviour, which in turn, is their desperate attempt to assign blame and misdirect anger. I am blessed in that out of the hundreds of students who have come and passed through my classes, only a very few, a mere handful, literally 5 or 6, have succumbed to such a pitiful means of escape.
One particular student was initially so enamoured of me, or shall I say, what and who she imagined me to be, that she actually moved her home to my town to live closer and make it easier to take classes with me. One day, she showed up to class with a black wig. She so fell in love with me, or her imagined version of me, that she imitated me to the point that when she performed, she danced just like me, and people would comment to me about the intensity of the similarity. She stayed with me far longer than she should have, to the point where I felt compelled to tell her that she really needed to study with others and become her own dancer. No matter how flattering it was to be so grossly imitated and to be such an intense object of her obsession, I intuitively and intelligently knew that it was not behoving to either of us for her to be thusly. After all, even a great copy, in the end, is really only a copy, and it is so much better to be your own imperfect original you, than to be a mere "perfect" copy of someone else.
I was very frank and firm, but tried also to be her friend, but it was fated to end badly and impossible to salvage. In the end, she simply ended up hating me. It was as though she wanted to be like me, but then, she wanted to BE me, and there wasn't any room for another me, so she had to try to destroy me, to get me out of her way, so that she could do what I did, and have what I had. Before, we were always together and people thought we were close. Now when people ask her about me, she tells them that she doesn't know me, as thought I no longer exist for her. This was a very extreme case, and I haven't again and hope not ever to experience it again. But, it is very typical for someone experiencing extreme obsession, much like in the movie, "Single White Female".
The beauty of the dance, the feminist spiritualism, and the women-centric bonding happens mostly when there is no room for competition. At first, it looks so great to be a belly dancer! Especially when one is new, and fresh, and not yet indoctrinated. How supportive and friendly and accepting and warm we all look at first, but from a distance, and with fresh eyes. That is, until the student builds strength and skill and confidence, and after experiencing the thrill and ego stroking effect of performing, and being told how talented and beautiful she is, and how much she wants to believe this, needs to believe this, insists on believing this! And then she wants more, starts to see that she can be more, have more, do more. And this is when the trouble begins. The student starts to see herself as better and is feeling that she is better and entitled to better, and to more. And the student begins to get into a competitive mode with other students, and then with other dancers, and with her instructors. It is hard to be friends with someone with whom you believe to be in competition with you. So, something has to go, and the need for the ego is greater than the need for the friendship. So, the friendship and good will is sacrificed in the name of the ego, and for that which feeds the ego.
I understand this phenomenon. I don't like it, but I understand it, and I accept it. It is hard to throw stones at the castle, when one lives in the castle.
Some of the most difficult students have been the ones who simply do not know when to leave me as their teacher. There are so many ways to say goodbye. For example, they could say something like "Hey, it was great, but I am ready to move on. Thanks so much and see you around!", or they could just simply disappear. I actually am OK with them just disappearing. I am not stupid and I have many friends in the dance community. I know where students go when they leave me, and I am OK with that.
What is really upsetting is when they can't let go without leaving the claw marks. Invariably, there are always people who just don't know how to say goodbye gracefully. Perhaps they feel awkward saying goodbye at all, because they feel it might be interpreted on my behalf as a rejection and upset me, or as a flaw on their behalf, that they have grown bored or tired of me. The fact of the matter is that I expect them to leave me. It is their "job" as students to take what they want, and to go on to do more, other, and better, with other people and in other places. I am sad, but more so, I am pleased for them, and happy, and proud to have had any affiliation or affect on them as dancers.
Inevitably, those students are the few who hurt me the most because in their effort to leave and move on, seem to be inconsolably resigned to find a way to vilanize me as an excuse to get away. Somehow, they have to pick a fight or conjure an imagined slight to justify their bad behaviour, which in turn, is their desperate attempt to assign blame and misdirect anger. I am blessed in that out of the hundreds of students who have come and passed through my classes, only a very few, a mere handful, literally 5 or 6, have succumbed to such a pitiful means of escape.
One particular student was initially so enamoured of me, or shall I say, what and who she imagined me to be, that she actually moved her home to my town to live closer and make it easier to take classes with me. One day, she showed up to class with a black wig. She so fell in love with me, or her imagined version of me, that she imitated me to the point that when she performed, she danced just like me, and people would comment to me about the intensity of the similarity. She stayed with me far longer than she should have, to the point where I felt compelled to tell her that she really needed to study with others and become her own dancer. No matter how flattering it was to be so grossly imitated and to be such an intense object of her obsession, I intuitively and intelligently knew that it was not behoving to either of us for her to be thusly. After all, even a great copy, in the end, is really only a copy, and it is so much better to be your own imperfect original you, than to be a mere "perfect" copy of someone else.
I was very frank and firm, but tried also to be her friend, but it was fated to end badly and impossible to salvage. In the end, she simply ended up hating me. It was as though she wanted to be like me, but then, she wanted to BE me, and there wasn't any room for another me, so she had to try to destroy me, to get me out of her way, so that she could do what I did, and have what I had. Before, we were always together and people thought we were close. Now when people ask her about me, she tells them that she doesn't know me, as thought I no longer exist for her. This was a very extreme case, and I haven't again and hope not ever to experience it again. But, it is very typical for someone experiencing extreme obsession, much like in the movie, "Single White Female".
The beauty of the dance, the feminist spiritualism, and the women-centric bonding happens mostly when there is no room for competition. At first, it looks so great to be a belly dancer! Especially when one is new, and fresh, and not yet indoctrinated. How supportive and friendly and accepting and warm we all look at first, but from a distance, and with fresh eyes. That is, until the student builds strength and skill and confidence, and after experiencing the thrill and ego stroking effect of performing, and being told how talented and beautiful she is, and how much she wants to believe this, needs to believe this, insists on believing this! And then she wants more, starts to see that she can be more, have more, do more. And this is when the trouble begins. The student starts to see herself as better and is feeling that she is better and entitled to better, and to more. And the student begins to get into a competitive mode with other students, and then with other dancers, and with her instructors. It is hard to be friends with someone with whom you believe to be in competition with you. So, something has to go, and the need for the ego is greater than the need for the friendship. So, the friendship and good will is sacrificed in the name of the ego, and for that which feeds the ego.
I understand this phenomenon. I don't like it, but I understand it, and I accept it. It is hard to throw stones at the castle, when one lives in the castle.
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